Chandler!

I have really tried to stay out of the stores on Sundays, so I can obey at least some of the commandments. But, I had already left church early and eaten at Cheddars, so I kinda messed the day up. We needed groceries so bad that my kids were gonna have to start eating sheetrock or I was gonna be hauled in for neglect. So, I headed to the store tonight at 10:30. Thinking the Lord would be okay with me selecting things as long as I waited until midnight to pay for them. I took my bodyguard Chandler and his little bro Grayson with me just in case someone felt like mugging me. Big mistake. Although I wasn't attacked, I was embarrassed badly! Chandler farted in every single aisle. And, they were so awful smelling that not one but two Walmart workers gagged and let out a few choice curse words. One of them even got watery eyes. If only fart clouds were green like in the cartoons. By the time we got to produce (which is usually my last stop) he was all farted out. So, he decided to liven up the party a little bit by pushing the cart. No biggie, except he managed to knock a bottle of Worcestershire sauce out onto to floor. Where it busted, and splashed me... on my pants... and my toes. Then here came the clean up guy and he said to me: "when you get home maybe someone can suck that off your toes."