Soul Searching

I am not gonna say I'm overwhelmed, even though I'm overwhelmed. And, I figured out why. It's not because I had my 5th child, it's because I don't manage my time well and I don't prioritize. Really what's important day to day? Facebook? I don't think so. Six hour naps? Nope. Watching recorded shows that aren't erased until I erase them? No siree. Basically unless I have somewhere to go I spend my days napping, online or watching the telly, while I nurse the baby. Now that Piggy Flu is rampant and I have a newborn who isn't leaving the house until the pandemic is over, I am in my pj's ALL DAY and I am starting to feel like a LOSER. Yes, there are days when a nap is a necessity like when Cam is up til 4 am. However, I don't need one everyday and I don't need to sleep more than a couple of hours. Then there's the computer. I am on it ALOT. Checking my blog and Facebook and constantly looking at the same lame crap. Other than fun little comments on Facebook and reading blogs, I am wasting a ton of time online. I could look at all my friends blogs and FB in less than 15 minutes a day. When what I am doing is staying on for hours at a time. Have I read my scriptures? No. Have I exercised? No. Is my housework and laundry done? No. Do I feel like I am getting stuck in a rut of feeling down and being lazy? Yes. By the time I get off the computer each day my kids are walking in the door and I am frantically trying to shower and clean and I am usually cranky because I am mad at myself. I deserve better and so do my children. I am not judging those of you who spend time on your computers or lounge in your pj's. I am just saying that for me life could be more than I am making of it. Yes, it's fun to talk to my friends online, scoping out blogs and read cheesy celebrity gossip. But, I am making a habit of doing that each day and not alot else. I don't think I have an addiction, but I do have a bad habit. And I really really want to try and turn over a new leaf. I want to embrace each day and live it to the fullest. Sure, I need to spend some time each day doing chores and cooking but there are so many more things I could do that I am not doing because there's no time. I waste it sitting on my bum. I would love to go for a walk with Camden in the fresh air. I wouldn't mind reading Hayden a story and holding him til he falls asleep. Or going on a date with my big boys and for ice cream with Chloe. I wanna lay under the stars on a blanket and have hot cocoa with my hubby. I wanna have family game night and family prayer and on and on. I am gonna quote a line in a cheesy Miley Cyrus song- life's what you make it so let's make it right. And, that's exactly what I want to do. So, I may not blog or Facebook as much but I still will some and it may take awhile to break the habit. It will be hard and it will require diligence and prayer. And, my main motivation is my kids and my self worth. I really don't think I want to be remembered by my children as the mommy blogger who chats on FB with her friends. I want to be the fun mom who makes her and her family's happiness Numero Uno. Wish me luck.