Good Times

Today is the dreaded "yearly"... and boy am I ever NOT looking forward to it. Really- I have floors to scrub, an upper lip to wax, dog poop to scoop, and you get the picture. He is a nice guy and all. But this is the worst day of every year. Which is precisely why I have been putting it off. I was supposed to go back in October, oops. I think I was shopping for costumes instead or something. So, pray for me, that I don't fart or something. And one thing's for certain: I am sure he will proud of me for losing some weight. Yay! And to think I was dreading going. Gosh, I just realized I have blogged about my OB before. Remember? Go here for that bit of loveliness. Anyway, I hope y'all have a great day! As for me, I am not so sure...

Hey, you look familiar...

**WARNING**
This post contains subject matter that may be offensive to some readers. Or in other words: TMI. You have been warned. Personally I think it's funny, thus the post in the first place.
So, today I am out and about running errands. Which translates into: paying 1 bill, picking up my contacts, and shopping at 7 stores. Anyway, I head to the vision place first since my contacts are digging into my eyeball so bad that I feel as if someone is in there raking leaves or something. I get inside only to find a huge line, which is no surprise, since there aren't that many vision places in Burleson/Crowley. So, I calmly take my place in line and start checking out the other customers. I'm nosey like that. Well, guess whose in the waiting area doing his new patient paper work? My freaking OB/GYN! Now, if it was the kid's pediatrician or my dentist I wouldn't really care. But this is my OB! And, I see him EVERYWHERE! I have seen him at Target, Famous Footwear, and several restaurants. I guess I should be used to bumping into him, but I'm not. It's been 8 months since our last "visit". For goodness sakes, this man has seen my V#*^%A! He has given me a breast exam! Yes, I know I am probably being weird. But, I can't help it. I have often wondered how it feels for doctors. Are they being perverted or just friendly if they say hello to you in public? Does it make their spouse or significant other uncomfortable? Do they get a visual? Are they as uncomfortable as I am? The first few times I saw him and his family I was friendly and talkative. He and his wife are sooo nice. But, today I felt funny saying something. I guess because he was a good 15 feet away from me, and he was the patient. It just didn't seem like the time or place. I mean the last time I saw him I was wearing a giant paper napkin with my legs in stirrups. We were talking about swimming pools. Maybe he didn't recognize me?

Attracting the wrong kind of attention...

I have been a good girl lately in regards to spending money. For example I have been doing my own pedicures. The last two weeks my toes were red. Around Sunday the piggies were starting to chip- badly. So, on Monday during Dancing with the Stars I removed the old polish. I am pretty boring when it comes to polish. I usually stick to red, burgundy, or black. I have had them painted like cherries, watermelon, and in October, Halloween colors. That is the extent of my pedicure creativity. I am currently planning on black toes with little rhinestones. But, since I don't have a cute little Korean lady to do them for me, I have been putting it off. When I was looking for polish Monday, nothing cute and easy came to mind. Then, I had the brilliant idea to do them rainbow. It turned out cute enough, but after about thirty minutes, seemed a little young for a woman of my mature age. I don't know why, maybe a sixth sense or something, but walking through the hospital today I had an odd feeling about my toes. It struck me while we were waiting on the elevators that my toes looked a little gay pride. Now, please no one take offense at the above or below comments, but I am horrified at the thought of sending out a "gay vibe"...sorry but it's true. So, imagine me at the hospital with no makeup, a baseball cap, and rainbow toes. Then, imagine me bumping into a very masculine woman in a suit waiting on the elevators. Wow, awkward. Of course the elevators took forever. Of course I got impatient. Of course I asked her where the stairs were because she had on a hospital badge. Of course she led the way to the stairs and proceeded to take me and Chan on a mini tour that took 15 minutes. Of course she was giggly and flirty. Of course she noticed my toes. Of course I was mortified. Of course this polish is coming off immediately.


P.S. Yes I have a bunion, yes I have wide feet, yes I have tattoo, yes my "pinky" toenail is tiny, and yes I suck at pedicures!