Payday

Chloe is so funny. She gets some cute ideas. Here is her latest: She wanted me to bring her some smarties from the store.

Would you rather?

A) Go the Ob/Gyn for a pap smear
OR
B) Be woken up from a deep sleep by
the smoke alarm?

Let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel...

Remember that little bonfire we went to on Saturday? Well, my husband has been keeping a little secret from me. After I went home to check on the kids, (they were asleep with Chan watching them and we were 3 houses away) Jon and some of the others decided to walk through fire and coals like they saw on TV. But what they don't realize is that A) it's TV, B) those people have leathery skin because they are barefooted all the time, and C) they walk ON about a 2 inch bed of coals. They don't march THROUGH 18 inches of hot ash AND burning coals. Even if they did I would be willing to bet good money they don't do it after indulging in Coors light. So after hiding it from me for 2 days he finally showed me his wounds. He actually expected me to doctor him... Ha, the nerve! I am sure it hurts pretty bad and he is gonna have a huge scar, but seriously... Not my fault. Here is the damage:



P.S. I had to buy him new shoes, his were burnt to a crisp and he crackled when he walked!!!

Dad, You Crazy...

After Tuesday's dinner drama I thought of a funny thing my Dad used to say,(#11). Things he probably heard his Dad say.Things he said alot and were like a second language to him. So, this post is in honor of him and the wacky things that come out of his mouth. Warning: this post contains foul language and you are strongly advised to not take a drink while reading or you will mess up your screen.
1. It's colder than a witch's tit
2. Like sucking snot out of a dead man's nose
3. I'm as nervous as a long tail cat in a roomful of rockers
4. The eagle sh*ts tomorrow
5. Grinning like a cat eating sh*t off a wire brush
6. I don't give a rat's ass
7. You're full of what the owl left on the limb
8. Gone up a pig's ass to get a pork sandwich
9. My eyes feel like two piss holes in the snow
10. Her face is as red as a fox's ass at pokeberry time
11. Looks like two pigs wrestling under a blanket
12. That went through me faster than goose sh*t through a tin horn
13. I'm as nervous as a who*e in church
14. You don't know sh*t from shine-ola
15. It's colder than a well diggers ass
16. I've picked things bigger than that out of my nose
17. He's so tight you couldn't drive a flax seed up his ass with a sledgehammer
18. You're as crazy as a sh*t house rat
19. Wipe that sh*t eating grin off your face
20. He's as queer as a three dollar bill
I seriously don't know what some of these mean, but we grew up hearing at least one of these phrases every day...

**Delicioso pero repugnante**

Our frig is on the fritz again! So, my darling husband took his cute little family to dinner. We went to Fresco's in Burleson. Can you say yummy? They have the most awesome food. All you really need to order is tableside guacamole and queso. That along with the free chips, salsa, and tortillas with chipotle butter and you don't even need or have room for an entree! Super good and we had fun. I love being with my family, they are so funny. I love them being young and innocent. But, tonight I got the hint that I am mom to a hormonal teenager. Heaven help me! Chandler couldn't keep his eyes off the guacamole girl. She had on a pair of "Daisy Dukes" or "coochie cutters" that almost made me lose my appetite. Almost. Seriously though I am shocked that her boss didn't send her home. Working around food you would think that she would exhibit a little more decency than that. At the very least show some common courtesy to those around her. Not to mention self respect. Plus, hello! it is freezing outside! Thank goodness she was wearing a bra!
**delicious but disgusting** Thanks for the translation Chan.

Pet Peeves

1. People showing up to my house unannounced
2. Chipped nail polish
3. Not calling when you say you're gonna call
4. When someone takes my special bar of soap (Dove/Caress) leaving it in the shower and me with nothing when I am in the tub (Hi, Chloe)
5. Changing the channel I was watching when I leave the room
6. The kids asking if a friend can spend the night 10 minutes before bedtime
7. Jon telling me he's on his way home, but really meaning he has to stop at Autozone, Home Depot, and Leslie's Pool Supply first
8. People who stare
9. When people dress their kids in only a diaper and go shopping (Wal-Mart and Trader's Village)
10. The kids "forgetting" to flush

Same stuff, different day...

After yesterday, today was downright uneventful. It was a Monday for sure. Chandler woke up with pinkeye and it has now shifted to the other eye. Lovely. Tomorrow we will be heading to the Dr's office. Does it ever end? I did manage to make it to the gym for a pretty intense leg workout. I'm feeling good now but I may need help going potty for the next 3 days. Any takers? I kid! I also finally got the kids drawers stripped of all shorts, tank tops, and bathing suits. Now it's time to hit the stores for winter clothes! Gotta love shopping! As I close this super interesting post tonight I wanna thank my hubby. Thanks for being forgetful. It's always a nice surprise to find $23 bucks in the dryer. Update: * I just found 3 mini Hershey bars and 1 stick of gum in Hayden's pants that were about to go in the washer * I have such a sweet family, leaving me gifts in their dirty laundry....