On church...

The day started out pretty good. The Elder's Quorum came and met the family, we didn't oversleep and I had spent part of Saturday shopping for new 1st day of church goodies. I had bought Chloe a new outfit, Hayden new church shoes, and all the boys got new shirts and socks. I even got me a brand new outfit and some tic-tacs. So I would look and smell fresh for all the new people I would be meeting. I was feeling really good about getting the whole family to church, things had been going so well... Instead, I got tons of resistance and that's putting it lightly. Chloe and Hunter threw giant tantrums, Hayden was super annoyed, and Chandler outright refused to go. I can handle tantrums, but when your pre-teens say stuff like church sucks, it's dumb, etc. it kinda breaks your spirit. I finally left by myself so I could make it on time. I knew that Jon would at least be coming behind me with Hunter and Hayden, and by some small miracle he would be able to get Chandler and Chloe to join them. Needless to say, I was pretty weepy before I even got there. I barely made it in before they closed the chapel doors and it wasn't long before they start reading the names of the new members. We were asked to stand until every last name was read. Of course my name was second called and I nervously stood. Then they called all of my kids names. And, I lost it. There was just something so sad about being there alone as they called the names of my children. I can't believe how bad I broke down! I am sure I made a lovely first impression. I just couldn't help it, and I am an ugly cryer.
It was nice and so helpful to see Jon and the boys walk in. And, the testimony meeting was great. More than one person expressed their gratitude and excitement about all of the new families. I stayed put. I really wanted to bear my testimony, but I didn't make it up there. Next month for sure I'll do it. I just couldn't bring myself to stand up again. I was just too nervous. I did notice as the names were called just how small the ward was before all the new families came. I have never been in a ward this size before. So, I shouldn't have been too frightened to get up there. But, I was. And, although the membership is small their hearts are HUGE! I have never been more welcomed than I was today. So many truly nice people, who seemed genuinely grateful to have new people join the shrinking congregation. I shook so many hands and met so many people. Even Jon felt very much at home there and that is major! I really felt good about today, I have a feeling that great things are coming. I think Jon felt it too. He made a point to talk to all of the kids about the importance of going to church and supporting me as I have supported them all these years. And, I am relying on faith and my Heavenly Father to do the rest. I made the mistake of going inactive 6 years ago, and I know that I am fighting an uphill battle. But, I also know that I am doing the right thing and that I am not alone.