on going to the OB....

With pregnancy comes frequent trips to the OB, as we all know. The first visit is fun- you're having a BABY! And, if you're lucky you get a sonogram picture of your little peanut. The next several visits are pretty uneventful, not counting the monthly heartbeat check. For me it's an opportunity to wear a cute maternity outfit and some makeup and if I'm real lucky- my husband will take me to lunch afterwards. It's the visits that come from 36 weeks on that STINK! And, today was no exception. Even though my doctor should have technically checked my "progress" last week- he chose to put it off.... not sure why? I had already gotten up at the butt crack of dawn (8:00) yesterday and after sitting there for 30 minutes I was sent home because he had an emergency c-section to attend to. I was so peeved. So, I head back today and am relieved to be the first patient. It's when I get to the ladies room to leave a urine sample that I realize that my underwear are on inside out... lovely. I get on the scale- where I am up 2 pounds after losing 2 the week before, even lovelier. The nurse takes me to a room and says "well, he's not here yet so"... I pretty much tuned her out at that point because I am afraid I might curse at her and then I hear- "he's probably not gonna check your progress today anyway." Ugghhh, are you freaking serious?! I shaved for nothing?! But, she does tell me he is gonna do a swab for Group B strep- which requires me to be naked anyway. And I am thinking- dude, just check me please! He finally shows up and dang it if he doesn't want to chit chat! About his son's recent fender bender, school clothes, tax free shopping and on and on, before you know it an hour has passed! FINALLY he tells me he will check me in addition to the swab and heartbeat- YES! (On a sidenote- I can't believe I am excited to have a stranger examine my girly bits). He leaves and I quick drop trou, making sure to right the wrong undies for when I slip them back on. And, then I kid you not I hear his office door shut where he proceeds to have a meeting with his office manager! FOR almost 30 WHOLE MINUTES! And, I sit there fuming. Wanting to tiptoe my naked butt to the magazine rack that's 3 feet away for an outdated Family Circle to read, or wishing my phone was closer so I could text someone- anyone! But, the fear of being caught keeps me from getting off the table. So, I sit there and wonder where all those spider veins came from and how my recently pedicured feet got so dry and is my butt hanging out and... TWENTY SEVEN minutes later he comes back in and lickety split does everything while talking about football season for his boys- with really cold hands I might add. It literally took him 3 whole minutes to tell me- I AM NOT DILATED. I leave the office crampy and cranky. When I see that I have 15 minutes to get breakfast before Chick-Fil-A stops serving I speed through the parking lot with my debit card in hand. And, not only do I get served an old stringy chicken biscuit- the woman gives me the wrong drink AND drops my debit card UNDER my van! Oh man, what a morning! I knew at that point if I didn't get home and take a nap that my day was gonna continue to go down the tubes. I am a pessimist that way... I am pleased to report that after a 3 hour nap I am chipper and alert and ready to hit the mall for school clothes. Wow, did I just say that?