Stages

Do you ever feel totally alone, even though you are surrounded by people? My life feels pretty alone. Like no one truly understands me, or like I am waiting to be picked for kickball. I went from being a depressed teenager to being a mom, and I feel as if I have made so many wrong choices all these years. I have been looking for happiness in all the wrong places: Cars, home decor, clothes, makeup, magazines. Lately though, a lightbulb has become increasingly bright in my mind. Some of you may or may not know that I am LDS or Mormon. But, I have been inactive for 5 years. And while I won't start preaching, I have come to realize that the time has come for me to return. To surround myself with goodness. There has been something missing for way too long. I am however, fighting an uphill battle so to speak. My hubby isn't a Mormon, and my kids have been away too long. This week, I have encountered a ton of resistance. And, even though I know my decisions are right, I still feel kinda alone.
Then there's the matter of being out of it. So many women I know that are Mormon are young and just starting their families. For the longest time I felt as if I needed to have a baby just to fit it. I am older than alot of them too, which is super hard. Then there's the issue of how different things are for Moms now. Yes, there are always diapers, feedings, and tantrums. But, now it's playgroup, scrapbooking, digital cameras, blogs, cell phones, etc. It is just so different than even 6 years ago. So, even though I feel like I have made the right decision, I still feel like I don't fit in. Old, overweight, no little babies running around, non-member spouse, kids who can't remember who Nephi is, etc etc. So, tomorrow is surely gonna be a challenge, as are the days and years to come. Wish me luck or better yet, pray for us! And Shannon, Sarah, and Krista- thanks for befriending me through Kelli, it means more than you will ever know.