9 Lives

This post is dedicated to cat lovers and cat haters. Both of whom will totally understand... And to my cat Pedro, dude... what's your deal?

Obviously I am not a cat, so I don't know what goes through their teeny little brains, but I have lived with cats for most of my life, and they all have the same annoying habit: acting like they are starving when they have food in their bowls.
It starts every morning. The minute I get up I have to go pee, and I ALWAYS forget to shut the bathroom door all the way. And, without fail, Pedro always comes in meowing, purring. He must hear my feet hit the floor because he is on my heels literally the moment my feet go from carpet to tile. And, not to offer TMI, but it's just all sorts of wrong to be on the toilet and have a cat purring around your feet and standing up with his paws on your knees while you are trying to pee. It feels weird. He must not get me either. I would totally not go hang out staring at him and talking to him while he's in the litter box. As a matter of fact I usually run away when he's in "the bathroom", but only after I laugh at the insane look he gets on his face. Anyway- back to the point.
After I have been violated by Pedro, I flush and head to the sink to wash my hands. But, by then I have been tripped 5 times already. And, the sink is only 7 feet from the toilet. Then, he trips me about 15 more times before we get to the kitchen where his food is. Let's not forget that he is meowing so much that it sounds like one loooong meow instead of the 431 it really is. Dude, I hear you and I know you are about to die of starvation. Please hang on and shut up! I am kinda a mean cat owner. If there's food in his bowl, I REFUSE to add more. Why does he need it topped off? Why do cats do this? I have tried to trick him and act like I am adding fresh food, and he won't eat until I really put more in. I wonder if he's smarter than I realize? Ok no. Because in addition to the annoying I am starving to death routine. There's the drinking out of the faucet while I am washing dishes, the playing with the bubbles when I am in the tub, the eating out of the dishes in the sink, the constant running and sliding on the hard floors. And, every day he is so anxious to get out that he runs into the front door, only to walk away in a daze. If you look hard enough you can see stars above his head. Then on the rare occasion that he does escape, he goes to the same spot and eats grass. Maybe he has brain damage? Oh yeah, he also drinks out of the toilet and the fish bowls...