Totally OK and Not So Fast...

Hey, it's totally ok to:

nurse your baby after feeding him/her baby food. Contrary to popular belief, sweet potatoes and peas ARE good for your areolas!

walk around with a booger on your cheek. You can always blame it on that sweet hug one of your children just gave you and not on the fact that you just sneezed into your elbow. What? You WERE trying to avoid spraying one million snot droplets into the already contaminated air at Walmart.

share a spoon with AND eat after your baby but not your school age children. He suckles at your breast and the memory of his descent from the birth canal is still fresh in your mind, while those older children of yours are entering puberty and they attend public school. Gross!

let your toddler chew on your daily wear flip flops but have a mini heart attack if he/she even thinks about crawling on the floor at the pediatrician's office. The germs on your shoe are from your house (mostly) while the doctor's office floor is germ soup...

dress your kiddos to the nines while you look like something the cat wouldn't even touch with a 10 foot pole let alone drag in.

go 5 days without washing your hair. I did hear the "wet look" might make a comeback, maybe...

resurrect your day old makeup (that you slept in) with a little bit of concealer and fresh makeup. Work it girl!

stick yesterday's clothes in the dryer with a Bounce dryer sheet AFTER you spiff them up with a wet rag first. After all you did look sorta cute and there just might be a dried booger on the sleeve of your shirt.

give your baby an unplugged small electronic to play with while you try to blog... I may or may not have done this. Ok, it was a clock and it was unplugged!

wash 17 loads of laundry in one week but not fold a single sock

Not so fast:

Mom jeans aren't hot- ever! I don't care what InStyle magazine says. They're just goofy and yes they do make you look fat!

If your bra strap is riding up between your shoulder blades it's too small! You either need a new bra or a breast reduction. Hint- bras are cheaper, easier on the eyes and alot less painful!

Never go to bed without brushing your teeth. Trust me. Yes, it has happened to me recently and it was after consuming garlic and cheese. All I have to say is- cat turd breath.

I don't care what you may think- NO ONE'S grass is greener. Please please please take this to heart. I have to tell myself this often. It may seem like your problems are worse than anyone on Earth, but they're not. Everyone has issues, problems, and concerns. They're either mental or much better at hiding crap than you.

Don't rough-house with a freshly bathed or fed baby. He/she will projectile vomit all over you and his/her freshly bathed self. This has happened to me no less than ten times a day the last 7 months and I STILL haven't learned my lesson.

Don't put off knowing what you are going to wear, how long it will take you to get ready and possible traffic jams. You will be late, you always are. Oh wait. That's what I've been meaning to write on my bathroom mirror- sorry :p

And, there you have it. A small sampling of the do's and don'ts of Mommyhood according to Ashley!

I've lost that blogging feeling...

I really miss my blog so so much. It bums me out that I no longer have time for it. And, I've tried- I really have. I even gloated in my last post that I was gonna get back into blogging full force... It seems since then that life got even more hectic, if that's even possible. I've also gotten out of the habit. Plus, I honestly feel as if I have nothing good or funny or interesting to say, dangit. I mean, my older kids are to the point where they are gone with friends or texting or yelling at me so there's no blog material there. Hayden still says some dang funny crap and does cute stuff but when you're out of the habit of blogging it just gets tucked into your memory instead of on the computer. I'm not gonna say I'm taking a break- wouldn't wanna cause anyone to roll their eyes at me! But, I will say that I would really like to pick it back up again I just don't know if I'll be able to. Honestly, my hats off to those of you who find time to update and make me smile! Each morning I hit the floor running and work away at laundry and little bits of exercise and chores. Plus, I spend a ton of time playing and cuddling with Camden. We try and venture out to the park or shopping or lunch with friends a few times a week. But really my days are jam packed and there are only so many hours in a day. However, in the Spirit of Ashley I am gonna do A LIST!

Reasons Why I Never Blog Anymore

1) I do at least 3 loads of laundry a day which takes a ton of time and sucks royally...

2) My entire family is sharing one computer (6 people x 1 computer = no blogging)

3) I have a 7 month old baby who is already pulling up, crawling, and generally being a big handful!

4) I have been preparing a big home cooked meal every night and it takes me at least 2 hours between the baby and preparation not to mention cleanup and whatnot. Ugh! Remind me why family dinner is important again?!

5) I am cheating on my blog with Facebook. It's express blogging! Much faster and easier and like 10 times the comments :)

6) I've been spending a little bit of time exercising, which is much better for my butt than the desk chair.

7) I am having a love affair with my iPhone and this nifty game called Words with Friends. It's superb!

8) I've lost the knack! I 100% think I am way too boring for blogging words... Really, I don't know what to blog about anymore

9) I let myself get out of the habit, unfortunately.

10) If I'm gonna take time to do something for myself it's not gonna be on the computer. I'm gonna read a book or get a pedicure or something.

11) Having a much desired baby come into an already hectic, nutty, household has kicked my butt- but good! I have said that before but I don't think anyone realizes unless you have a kid who is crying, nursing, getting into crap or whining to be held. Plus, his 30 minute naps unless he's on his mom's tittay are also a factor. If I ever get pregnant again... so help me Lord.

12) My stomach problems. I finally had an ultrasound today and hope it shows what's wrong. If not I have to go in for an endoscopy. There are days when I have a million things planned but if my tummy is acting up I barely leave the couch or get to eat. Case in point- I recently lost 7 pounds in 5 days.

I think that pretty much sums it up. I reallyreallyreally love my blog and I love to read all of my friend's blogs but there just aren't enough hours in the day. Keep checking mine and I'll keep checking yours ;) I may just surprise you one day and update this bad boy. I love all of y'all to bits and I am so so grateful for the friendships, memories, and support that have been born since I started blogging. Muah!

a recent "project"- one current pic of each kiddo (wait, how did I have time to do that??)

Miss Me, Miss Me...

now you gotta kiss something??
Anyway- I bet you are as shocked as I am that I am actually blogging... I really do miss it and updating is always in the back of my mind, but I am just so busy all the time. However, now that Camden is trying to grow up on me and be alot more independent I might actually have time to blog! Sounds crazy I know, but in the last 10 days he has finally developed a taste for baby food and learned to sit up, crawl, and pull up! Yes, I realize he will be into everything but he won't be overly clingy and wanting to nurse every hour and be held constantly. I have tried for months to figure out why he constantly spits up and is fussy between his every hour nursing sessions (in addition to several other symptoms) and I finally think I know what it is! Read here. Basically I am making too much of the sugary first milk and not enough of the fatty hind milk (that satisfies him longer) which means he is hungry and gassy and has every other symptom listed except for frequent diaper rashes. It has been very frustrating simply because not only was I not used to a baby in the house but none of my other kiddos were this clingy and fussy. But, now that he is relying on three mini meals of baby food a day and can move all around the house (so far he's staying in the living room) he is much less cranky and A TON of fun! Which for me means- I can have my life back! If only for a little while. Until he's trying to dive off the couch or open the cabinets for pots to bang on or maybe go fishing in the toilet. He is a momma's boy though which drives Jon nuts so when I do get to take a nice looong bath or get on the computer, it's never for very long.... but we'll get there- I think! I can't promise I'll post daily but I am gonna try.

Cam is 6 months old already?!

My little Camden turned 6 months old on the 10th, craziness! In some ways it seems like he's been here forever and in other ways, I feel like I'm reliving the first month all over again... He has definitely been a challenging baby, and I was definitely not used to having a baby in the house. He seems to be a snacker when he nurses and wants to nurse for 15 minutes every hour, plus he wants to nurse to sleep for naps and at night. So, I often wonder why I bother wearing a top or bra... Really I should go lounge on a topless beach somewhere with a cool drink and let him snack away. I guess I was more used to my freedom than I realized! He loves to be read to or be played with, tickled, cooed at, rocked etc. and he loves his jumperoo and swing, but he can only last solo for 15 minutes or less. So, between the near constant nursing and his less than stellar attention span, I am constantly at his beck and call! Don't you dare call him spoiled....
And, now for the fun stuff! He has almost mastered getting into a sitting position alone, once he's there he can stay that way unassisted for a good long while. He has been rocking on all fours for over a month and does these spastic jerky crawling motions. He can drag himself forward a bit and has mastered backwards scooting. He is blowing bubbles, still cooing, giggling, and has just started the cutest babbling sounds. He likes water from a cup and finally loves baby cereal. His other faves are pureed or refried beans, mashed potatoes, avocado, yogurt, and mashed banana, or in other words- big people food. I am fixing to stop at nothing to get him to eat baby food. I want him used to all the flavors as opposed to him wanting big people food all the time! There are only so many things I can mash up that he won't gag on and I'm too busy to make homemade baby food! He still sleeps with us, which is kicking my butt because he wants to nurse alot or snuggle up to my boob (his pillow) and I am tired all the time because of that...
He is absolutely in LOVE with the big kids and gets very excited, giggly, and smiley when they come home from school. They are pretty smitten with him too. However, they hate when he cries in the car (which he loathes) and when he's fussy when they are ready for bed. They also DO NOT like when he spits up on them and so far Jon and I are the only ones that will change a poopy diaper. Which at this moment is still every other day and yellow- they are gonna die when it's brown and super stinky...
Anyway- here's to the next 6 months! May they be just as fun, not as stressful, and full of fun memories!
P.S. I may add a few pics later- he's being fussy right now... big shocker! This is one of many reasons I never get to blog anymore!!

Liar Liar

Ok, so I am supposed to be keeping up with my blog... and I haven't! I have reasons though. Of course I have reasons! Chandler had surgery, again. He had ACL/MCL reconstruction on his knee. Basically they take a piece of tendon from his knee and repair or make new ligaments with it. It's a pretty intense surgery and he has been home with me for a week. He has recovered nicely up to this point but has needed ice bags, medicine, food, and drink constantly so between nursing Camden and tending to Chandler I have barely had time to breathe. Plus, not to mention Cam has had a nasty eye infection and Hayden has a sinus infection. So, between the three boys I have kept Walgreens in business this week. They have had 7 RX's filled in the last week! I won't even tell you the hours I spent in Doctor's waiting rooms...
Then, it was mine and Jon's birthday on Sunday. Big whoop! I turned a big number and Jon turned an even bigger number- 40. And, because I am so not on my game, we did a whole lotta nothin'! Jon chose to spend his day at the track and I went to church. We met up for Chili's, we let the kids choose and they loooove Chili's. Honestly I like to eat there, but my friend Lois took me there for my birthday lunch (and gave me an awesome bracelet and necklace) on Friday and I guess I thought Jon and I would be lucky enough to score a sitter and have a super nice birthday evening but it wasn't meant to be. I feel bad because I really wanted to throw Jon an awesome Over the Hill party but the surgeon insisted Chandler needed surgery asap and that took first priority. I promise eventually I will make it up to him.... somehow!
And then, one of my mom's closest friends who I thought the world of passed away on Friday and the funeral was yesterday. So sad :( Her passing away really bothered me because not only am I growing older but the people who I admired as a child and spent time with that were adults then are now reaching their golden years and with that comes sickness and death. One of the parts of being an adult I do not like a bit.
So, those are my reasons. I am bound and determined to keep my blog going, it's just hard! Bear with me. I hope to get out and about more with the kiddos and hopefully have lots of fun and take lots of pics. Crossing my fingers...

On that depression thing...

*this is long, but please read it all. And, just so you know I could have taken a shower but I decided to blog instead!*

Ok, so I know I said I needed to gather my thoughts before I posted, but I never did. I'm just gonna start typing and hope I don't sound like an idiot. After each of my babies was born I got a little bit blue. It starts as I drive away from the hospital. And, I can only guess it's because the pregnancy is over and all of the attention that was focused on me is now focused on a wrinkly smelly screaming little creature that I am head over heels in love with. Alot of it is exhaustion too. After a week or so I always think I'm in a routine and I have dodged the postpartum depression bullet. But, it rears it's ugly head and the days and nights are a blur and there are lots of tears. By month 3 I am good as new. However, this time it started the minute I found out I was pregnant and got progressively worse as I neared my due date. I knew the minute I found out that I would never be pregnant again and that finality was weighing on me. Because, I love me some babies but I am no Michelle Duggar and I am definitely not Octomom, maybe I'm somewhere in between? Anyway what I am trying to say is, babies are like a drug so to speak. They're intoxicating and soft and amazing and all these wonderful things that outweigh the crying and the poopy diapers and sleepless nights, but you can only have so many. They turn into people, with issues and drama, and stress and I want to be the best mom I can and my plate is full!
Anyways- I was a teeny bit excited and a whole lot scared shi*less. I had never really gotten over being blue when Hayden went off to kindergarten. Plus, I was so nearing freedom with Chan fixing to turn 18 and Hayden able to wipe his own butt and cook his own Kid Cuisines. I was TERRIFIED to have a baby. And, while I admit it was fun to do the whole Surprise! I'm pregnant announcement and belly shots, and buying all new baby goodies and whatnot- deep down I knew I was in for it. Thankfully, I stayed busy with my kids and the pregnancy progressed not too fast, not too slow. Let me stop here and say that during my pregnancy I worked really hard to keep up the facade that I was FINE and EXCITED even though I was sweating nails, often. I was also absolutely THRILLED to have another child, but the dark cloud of postpartum depression constantly loomed over everything.
Fast forward to labor and delivery. The whole time I was in labor I was praying silently in my head that I would dodge the blues. But, guess what? The second they whisked him off to the nursery for his group B strep tests (I was positive, remember?) I almost lost it. Even watching him get his bath an hour later I was standing at the nursery window watching the nurse suds him up and I was trembling and sweating. I really wanted to turn back time at that point. I was in LOVE but I was confused... The first few days home were filled with diaper changes, nursing, naps and endless visitors. I kept waiting for things to feel "normal" again. And, here I am almost 6 months later and guess what? I am a little better than I was that very first day, but not by much. Each day presents different challenges. In the very beginning I would get so frustrated and overwhelmed when Cam would cry. Seeing the laundry and dishes pile up would make me cry even more and my chest ache. Just the day to day of a sorta big family was kicking my butt and stressing me out, BAD! I can't tell you how many times I told Jon that I couldn't do it anymore and if things didn't change I was taking the baby and leaving. What frustrates me most is how I kept getting mad about things like my desk being full of mail or the fact that we had clean but not folded laundry. How silly of me! I have 5 beautiful children and am blessed beyond measure and I am fussing over laundry and unopened mail! But then, there were those same big kids and their fighting and endless stream of activities and school projects. Then, it seemed as if we would ALWAYS need groceries or diapers or milk or something. I'm not even touching on the "I'm a fat, ugly, terrible mom, loser." Or the "I suck at everything, no one loves me, I'm a worthless piece of crap" feelings that were always laughing at me from afar. To top it all off there were days when I felt like WonderWoman. Days when no one fought, homework was done, I cooked a decent dinner and had a chance to shower. I was and am still on a roller coaster ride of emotions. It is not fun. I am trying to feel better though and little things like not sleeping too much, a good long bath, a phone call with a good friend or a much needed scripture verse work wonders. I basically try many many little things each and every day to feel happy and "normal". I hope and pray each day that as soon as I finish nursing for good that my hormones will level out even more and I will feel 100%. I am absolutely GIDDY and BLESSED and in LOVE with my family although Jon and I have seen better days, but I am trying. I am oh so thankful for wise women who have been there both as a shoulder or an ear or those that have experienced the exact same things I am feeling now. I have complete faith in my Heavenly Father that I will get better and this experience is but a blip on my eternal radar and I can only hope that I am learning from this experience each day that passes. For sure makeup and a shower work wonders for me, and simply opening the blinds to let the sun shine in. So, that's it. I am sure I have left out so much, but I hope that at least one person can read this and relate or learn from my experience and if I can help one person in my shoes to smile or feel better then I have accomplished something today. Thanks for reading :)

She's Baaaack.... (she thinks)

Ok, so I guess I'm gonna try and get back to this blog thing. This first post back will be an update so to speak. Since I last blogged, the following things have occurred:

Hunter turned 14. We had pizza, cake, and a few friends over. A good time was had by all. Yes, I have pics. No, I'm not posting them now. Maybe later.

My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary. A few of us kiddos threw them a small dinner party to celebrate. We had yummy Mexican food and a delightfully tacky gold and creme cake. A great slideshow with awesome music and good conversation. Again, I took some pics before my camera started acting stoopid and I may or may not post some.

Camden came down with RSV! My first official experience with it. Thankfully it was a mild case and he only needed breathing treatments for a week. Whew! He was pretty fussy and miserable but we made it!

I have had SEVERAL people mad at me for various DUMB reasons. They run the gamut from I am a stay home mom and that's not fair to those that have to work, to who I'm friends with- both on Facebook and in person, to the fact that I am what I am and apparently there are things about me that are super duper annoying, who knew? Honestly, I don't give a crap. I'm sorry, but I'm never gonna be sorry. Accept me or reject me just please quit whining.

I joined a gym. That's right, a gym. I have been wearing knit stretchy fabrics and oversized tops for a year and I am sick of it. It's time to lose the maternity garb and get moving again. I NEED to get this weight off. Plus, I am hoping to release some feel good endorphins. We'll see. I doubt I will ever be thin. Scratch that, I KNOW I'll never be thin. But, a girl's gotta try!

Camden grew up a whole lot! He is currently: rocking on all fours, doing full complete turns when he's on his belly by scooting in a circle, rolling 2 or 3 feet at a time, and my favorite- constantly smiling and giggling. I love it! He is soo sweet! However, he still loathes baby food except plain rice cereal. I confess I have given him a few bites of avocado, refried beans and some vanilla yogurt, all of which he loved! He better not be a picky eater like Hayden or I'm done for!

We got a buttload of snow, try not to get a visual ;). But, unless you live under a rock you know that D/FW got record snowfall last week. It was absolutely gorgeous. I could get used to more frequent snow, maybe. The kids had a blast and it was really neat to look out and see bright white pretty snow. The after effect was pretty ugly. Dying snowmen, mountains of dirty wet clothes and mud.

Chandler went to his orthopedic surgeon and will be having an ACL/MCL reconstruction next week. They call his type of injury the "Unhappy Triad". Basically they take a piece of tendon from his knee and rebuild his ACL and his MCL. Good times. I hope he recovers as easily as Jon did when he had it done back in '02 minus the vomiting and fainting spells. Lucky me- I was nursing a 6 month old baby back then and I will be doing the same thing now. Makes changing ice packs, wrapping body parts so they don't get wet in the shower and fetching food SO MUCH FUN...

Hunter has a new girlfriend! Her name is Ashley. She thinks I'm sweet and cute and she loves my red hair. I like her ALOT! He is also so dang good with Camden, it's crazy. He frequently tells me how much he loves Cam and how cool he is, it's really sweet.

Hayden is being tested for gifted in the Spring. This didn't come from left field, this came from the parking lot at the baseball stadium! He is a smart boy but I always thought his atleticism and motor skills (learning to ride a bike by himself at age 3) were his strong suits- not school. We shall see, his teacher seems to think he might qualify for the gifted program.

Chloe hit preteen harder than I thought was ever possible. She has had her toe into tween for awhile, but wowza things have been u-g-l-y lately. Tantrums, insults, door slamming, makeup swiping from mommy to name a few. And, the icing on the cake? She removed me as her friend on Facebook because she didn't like a comment I made on her status. Ouch...

And, last but certainly not least. I have postpartum depression and it sucks. I am not gonna go into detail now. I am gonna blog about it this weekend. No holds barred. I'm gonna spill my guts. I'm gonna rant and rave and more than likely there will be tears shed, both by me and maybe some of y'all. I really need to gather my thoughts about what to say and stuff. Just please, pray for me. I really want to feel better.

The end... for now.