Attracting the wrong kind of attention...

I have been a good girl lately in regards to spending money. For example I have been doing my own pedicures. The last two weeks my toes were red. Around Sunday the piggies were starting to chip- badly. So, on Monday during Dancing with the Stars I removed the old polish. I am pretty boring when it comes to polish. I usually stick to red, burgundy, or black. I have had them painted like cherries, watermelon, and in October, Halloween colors. That is the extent of my pedicure creativity. I am currently planning on black toes with little rhinestones. But, since I don't have a cute little Korean lady to do them for me, I have been putting it off. When I was looking for polish Monday, nothing cute and easy came to mind. Then, I had the brilliant idea to do them rainbow. It turned out cute enough, but after about thirty minutes, seemed a little young for a woman of my mature age. I don't know why, maybe a sixth sense or something, but walking through the hospital today I had an odd feeling about my toes. It struck me while we were waiting on the elevators that my toes looked a little gay pride. Now, please no one take offense at the above or below comments, but I am horrified at the thought of sending out a "gay vibe"...sorry but it's true. So, imagine me at the hospital with no makeup, a baseball cap, and rainbow toes. Then, imagine me bumping into a very masculine woman in a suit waiting on the elevators. Wow, awkward. Of course the elevators took forever. Of course I got impatient. Of course I asked her where the stairs were because she had on a hospital badge. Of course she led the way to the stairs and proceeded to take me and Chan on a mini tour that took 15 minutes. Of course she was giggly and flirty. Of course she noticed my toes. Of course I was mortified. Of course this polish is coming off immediately.


P.S. Yes I have a bunion, yes I have wide feet, yes I have tattoo, yes my "pinky" toenail is tiny, and yes I suck at pedicures!

Braums: watching out for my health...

Periodically (depending on my cravings) I will take the kids for ice cream after school. Lately my choice of ice cream has been a double scoop cone, with German chocolate and buttered pecan. Yum-o. We went last Monday and yesterday Jon surprised me and brought home my current fave. This morning I was cleaning out my purse and throwing out a few old receipts. I came across last week's receipt and yesterday's (Jon?). And, I noticed something odd. Last week when I ordered they charged me for carb watcher German chocolate and carb watcher buttered pecan. Hmmm, interesting. Because, yesterday the receipt said German chocolate and buttered pecan, carb watcher was no where on there. So, I am wondering, was it a slip of the hand on the register? Did the lady think I needed carb watcher? Or maybe that I meant to order it and made a mistake? Perhaps she was helping me save money? I never noticed a taste difference. But, I am wondering if they did give me carb watcher, why?? I know I probably need it over the other option. But, that is my decision to make...

Lucky!

Today I had to take Chandler to the hospital for more pre-op tests. He is having the screws removed from his ankle on Monday. Anywhooo.... I am moseying along I-35 at a swift 70mph when I see my exit and I am nowhere near where I need to be. So, real quick I exit from the center lane. I feel only a smidge guilty about the folks I cut off. Ok, not really! That's why I have a 4x4 Suburban, move!! I briefly recall passing a U.S. Marshall way back, but don't give it another thought until I see him behind me at the light. Crap! Of course the moment I turn left he flashes his lights at me. At first I was hoping it was because I was cute... but then I am pissed, because I am thinking he saw my registration that expired 8 days ago. Thanks, Jon. Of course he scolds me for my crazy exit and "having no regard" for the other people I cut off. He never even looks at or mentions my registration. Whew! And, as soon as I apologize and tell him I am running late for my son's pre-op surgical appointment, he tells me to slow down and be careful. And then he lets me go. No ticket!! Yay! And, for the record, we have been tossing around the idea of trading in the Burb for a Minivan, don't gag... I know. But, being the professional procrastinators that we are, we waited until after the registration expired. And, because we feel like spending an extra $70, I mean really what's an extra $70 bucks when gas is only $3.54 a gallon?

Freakin' Disgusting!

Presenting: Bacon Maple Bar... doesn't even sound good. Would anyone really eat this?

Anatomy 104

I love Mr. Hayden to pieces, but I am not sure I would go to him for medical care. Case in point:
The other day at the Dr. when they did his throat swab for strep he asked me, "Mommy, can that q-tip reach my tibia?" and, today:
"Look at my uvula Mommy!" He was helping me carry in groceries and was carrying a bag of red apples while riding his scooter. I guess the way they "dangled" reminded him of his uvula....

Yo, bonehead!

Dude, what is up with some people? Why do they think it's ok to call me by something other than my name? I am referring to one word in particular: red. Now, the last time I checked my name was not Red. It's Ashley. I mean for real, can you not call me something besides that? How about sweetie, or honey, or even babe? Do I do that to them? No, I don't, because it's rude. If I don't know someone's name, I politely ask someone else or go with the flow and hope it doesn't come up. I cannot not tell you how many times I have been called Red, and it sucks. I mean have you ever heard someone say, "hey dishwater blonde" or "hi brunette" or even "what's up premature gray"? I am guessing, no. It just doesn't happen. I must have the word red spelled on my forehead in freckles or something. Only I can't see it. So, for future reference please call me Ashley.

Last one to steal is a rotten egg...

so I guess I'm a rotten egg! This cute little list has been going around for a few weeks and I am finally getting around to doing it myself.


Maybe I should stop complaining about my weight and do something about it!
I love food way more than is necessary.
People would say that I'm crafty.
I don’t understand why I wasn't meant to be rich and thin.
When I wake up in the morning I count the hours until I can go back to sleep.
I lost my mom's sterling silver charm bracelet at the skating rink when I was in 5th grade, and I still feel awful about it.
Life is not as hard as I make it out to be.
My past is full of bad choices that turned me into who I am and blessed me beyond belief.
I get annoyed when people stop by unannounced.
Parties are fun if there is good food and friends, and I don't have to host!
I wish I had a smaller body and a bigger bank account.
Dogs are cool when they are trained.
Cats are big hairballs whose poop smells bad, but I still think they're cool.
Tomorrow I'm taking the kids to Home Depot for the kid's clinic and a spaghetti dinner at church.
I have low tolerance for annoying people.
I’m totally terrified of something bad happening to me, Jon, or the kids.
I wonder why I have zero patience.
Never in my life have I had a c-section.
High school was one giant party.
When I’m nervous I pick my cuticles, twirl my hair, and sometimes I toot...ssshhhh don't tell Jon!
One time at a family gathering I was taking a shower in my mom's room. I leaned against the wall to shave my legs and my butt busted through the tile and sheet rock. Needless to say it was embarrassing, since I had to yell into the living room for help where all the company was hanging out.
Take my advice: I am not good at giving advice.
Making my bed is nice when I do it, which would be when I wash the sheets or we are having company. Or I need a photo for my blog!
I'm almost always wanting a Coke and chocolate.
I’m addicted to alot of stuff: Coke, food, shopping, magazines.
I want someone to babysit so Jon and I can go on a date.

Feel free to steal this, I did!!!