Look out, I guess I don't know how to behave.....

Well, apparently I am a crappy person and someone forgot to tell me. Which is ironic, because I thought I was a people pleaser. Honestly I am kind of getting tired of the title. But, not enough to change my ways, yet... I would like to know at what age is it ok to be who you are without getting your ass handed to you on a platter? I am not confrontational nor am I a "sweep everything under the rug" kind of chick either. However, if I am in a mood and am confronted about something- watch out. I guess my point is: can someone please tell me how I, as a female human being, am supposed to behave on a daily basis. Because, I guess I didn't get that memo.... I try really hard to be a good friend, daughter, sister, in law, neighbor, aunt etc. But, I guess I'm not as good as I thought. I have been confronted and or snapped at by 3 different people since Saturday alone, for seemingly innocent things. I won't go into detail or name names. I just want to know if it's possible to be fitted with a muzzle and some puppet strings as well as have a master puppeteer show me how I'm supposed to act? I am 35 years old, and left high school back in the 90's where it belongs. I wish people would stop and think before they decide to get mad at me or gossip behind my back. Here I am, weeks away from delivering MY FIFTH child, I am living in a cluttered war zone of a house, my teenage sons are smart mouths, my husband is being a typical man, and I have enough hormones raging through my body for a small pharmaceutical company. You would think that certain people would understand and cut me a little slack. I am TRYING.

She's hit a brick wall...

**DISCLAIMER- I am about to rant. You've been warned.


Ok, so I have reached the I'm so over being pregnant stage. Is it ever gonna end? I can't believe I'm saying that... Just because feeling a baby move inside of you is an amazing yet indescribable feeling. There are other neat things too, but that is the absolute best. However, I am ready to get this baby boy out of my body. Which is bittersweet, because this is the absolute last time I will be pregnant. That being said- I am pretty sure I had a mini nervous breakdown yesterday. I got too hot and went too long without eating and I started having that scary feeling where you can't take a good deep breath. I guess alot of it started Saturday at about 4am when he decided he liked the head down position best, his feet got so tangled up in my rib cage that I was awakened out of a deep sleep. Now, he won't stay out of my ribs and it hurts! I feel like I can't breathe either. He is also squishing my stomach which is making my ulcer and nausea the worst it's ever been. I know I have said that alot, but really it's horrendous. I can't sleep- at least not normal hours. I feel incredibly guilty for not being more fun and involved with the kids so I am constantly apologizing and buying them goodies and lots of ice cream. Nothing fits. I look like crap- all the time. And, I am sooo tired of people acting shocked when I tell them I am pregnant. Apparently I am so morbidly obese I just look like a wide load/lard ass who went back to the buffet one too many times. And, I am scared to death of labor. I know he has to come out but I am terribly frightened. Then, when he comes out, will I remember what to do? Can I do this? Will I be able to manage the baby and my other kids? Will I have any time for me? How will we afford a baby? I guess I should also mention that other than starting the kid's bathroom I am nowhere near closer to getting any bedrooms done and time is ticking fast, which is a whole new can of worms. Really, what I am trying to say is I am losing my mind... I really need some serious encouragement. I need to be pumped up so I can make it emotionally and physically for the remainder of this pregnancy. And, I am not talking about a new purse or a pedicure either. C'mon- help a girl out... I need soothing calming words of encouragement.

P.S. I think Jon should read this. Maybe then he would understand. Ha- who am I kidding?

It's Gettin' Hot in Here....

Oh man, we're melting... Our air went out this evening. Luckily we made it through the heat of the day before it decided to die. Jon and the boys went to the Fort Worth Stockyards to watch this and Chloe and I were gonna get Chinese and rent a movie. Not long after the boys left I noticed the house was kinda warm. Normally I keep the thermostat at 74 and Jon likes it at 76. Well, I am pregnant and ALWAYS hot so I win. When I went to check things out I noticed it was 76 in the house, I instantly start accusing Jon (under my breath of course) of trying to burn me up. I adjust it to 74 and go about my evening. After 30 minutes it was still hot. So, I go outside and the compressor is silent. Not good. The temperature in our house starts to rise by one degree every 15 minutes. Pretty soon it's at 82 and I start to cry. What? I am a baby and I admit it. I can do without cable, the internet, and even my cell phone. But, take away my air conditioning and I go downhill- quick. Luckily I remember we own a decent sized room a/c unit that my father in law had borrowed when his air went out. So, I call Jon and relate the bad news- pretty soon my doorbell is ringing and it's my fairy god father in law with our air conditioner. Chloe and I went about our evening as planned. We splurged and got PF Changs to go and let me tell ya the air in my van was heavenly. I almost considered sleeping in there... We drank our weight in ice water, sponged ourselves with wet wash cloths and dipped our feet in the pool. I even took a cold bath WITH a fan on me the entire time. Now, we are trying to get comfy and it ain't easy. It's 3 in the morning and no one is asleep, we're just too hot. Even with the portable a/c. Chandler opted to stay with a friend and we have the other three kiddos and the cat hunkered down on air mattresses and pallets in our room. We currently have 2 oscillating fans, the ceiling fan and the a/c running. We're down to a balmy 80 degrees. Cross your fingers the repairman shows up and that it's an affordable fix.

just an ordinary girl

Ok, so this is gonna be "deep" and I guess I probably sound down, but I'm not. I am just curious- what is extraordinary and is it ok just to be ordinary? And, the reason I ask is because I guess I'm too down on myself for not being Superwoman. And, alot of it stems from reading other people's blogs and looking at Facebook. I know you know what I mean. There are some people who just seem too perfect. I guess I should clarify that when I say people I mean other chicks. It's just too easy to log onto the computer in a great mood and start blog hopping or glancing at profiles of old friends on Facebook and before you know it you feel ick about yourself. There's the girl with half a dozen kids who is still a size 4 and gorgeous. Or the one who has been to every vacation spot on the planet. Then there's the crafty one who could practically fashion an entire house AND fabulous wardrobe out of scrapbook paper and glitter. Let's not forget about the one with the amazing camera who takes perfect shots of everything from leaves to her gorgeous kids. Or the rich one or the gorgeous one or the one with a perfect house who has time for everything you don't. Then there's the Rachael Ray who makes everything from scratch and it's healthy. There are times when I feel like my life would be so wonderful if I could be one of those Superchicks. But, I would never want someone to be jealous or down because of me. I have long had a problem with envy or the grass is always greener syndrome. I mean I am what I would call ordinary. I really love most aspects of my ordinary life and my (extraordinary to me) kids and my husband. I just wish I could be content with who I am and not constantly think if I was like so and so life would be perfect. I really need to locate my self esteem I guess, and getting off this hormonal roller coaster might help...

That not so fresh feeling...

Nothing grosses me out quite like someone with dirty teeth. And, tonight I saw the worst set of teeth I think I have ever seen on a human being... I really had to stop myself from inviting this woman home with me so I could loan her some Crest and a toothbrush. She had so much plaque that at first I thought she had braces or an extra row of teeth. But is was ALL plaque. And, it looked like rocks you would put in a fish bowl. GROSS! I always wonder how a person's teeth can get that way. I realize that not everyone can afford the dentist. I mean we couldn't growing up unless we had a cavity or something. But, my parents had nine children and food and clothes came first. I never saw the dentist until I was 18 and never got a cavity until I was 30, which devastated me beyond belief, but that's a story for another day. Seriously though a toothbrush and toothpaste can be had for cheap- hello Dollar General! I am not trying to be mean, but I was so disturbed by this woman's teeth that I'm not sure I can go back to that particular store again. The first thing I did when I got home was brush and floss my teeth.

P.S. I dare you to Google bad teeth. So-freaking-nasty.

Enough is Enough!

I am so dang tired of cloudy dreary days. I get it, it's Winter. But it's also a Texas Winter. Would someone please tell the sun?? I am ready for a sunny Texas day. It can be cold, I really don't care. I just want to be able to feel the sun on my face and maybe wear a pair of sunglasses. If tomorrow's forecast of sun and 70 degrees is wrong I am packing my bags and moving somewhere warm. Like Arizona. For sure I can't go to Vegas, it freaking snowed there this week!!