I am a mom right?

So, Mother's Day is coming. This year is different, since it was reaffirmed back in September that I am indeed some one's mommy. I think I had forgotten... I have always been a simple (boring) person and I have become even more low maintenance and boring than usual. I have heard having a baby does that to a girl. This year, just like last a big chunk of my family will be at BMX, because that is VERY important. I will likely be alone at church with Camden and I will go see my mommy as my boys who don't ride the bicycles or go to church don't really get the concept of the "holiday". I have to confess- I don't either. I think moms should always be honored and respected. It's always difficult to figure out what to do or where to go on Mother's Day because Jon and I obviously both have moms and we still haven't (after 15 years) figured out a workable family visitation for holidays. And, I have heard it a million times before- I am not his mom. So, with that being said, I really don't know what is going on Sunday. Ok, I think I may have gotten off on a tangent or on a soapbox- take your pick! The point of this post was that I am simple (boring) and would only like simple things for "my day".

My Mother's Day Wish List

I would like:

One night of uninterrupted sleep (no cuddling, no nursing, nothing). I just wanna sleep on my tummy and not have to get up for anything until 8 wondrous hours of slumber have commenced.

A foot rub. One that lasts, and one that I don't have to beg or pay for.

A glorious yummy meal consisting of all of my favorite foods (steak, shrimp, salads, cheesy stuff, avocado, chocolate, etc etc) that I can eat while it's fresh and hot and afterwards I don't get sick to my stomach. Not gonna hold my breath.

A gift certificate to the following- pedicure place, the hair salon, the massage place, my favorite shoe store, my favorite clothing store, and Target. HAHAHAHAHA! As my dad would say- you can wish in one hand and S*&T in the other.

A nice long bubbly bath with a cheesetastic magazine and all the hot water that my heart desires. If I could take it without Camden staring at my boobs or chewing on the empty shampoo bottle that would be a bonus.

A ginormous bouquet of sunflowers, my favorite flower (weed). So sunny and summery and cheerful!

And, I think that's all. While all those things sound amazing and stuff, what I really want is to be with my all my kiddos with no fighting or texting or crying or TV or computer or drama. I just want them to get IT ya know? I know that's asking alot but I can wish right?

Totally OK and Not So Fast...

Hey, it's totally ok to:

nurse your baby after feeding him/her baby food. Contrary to popular belief, sweet potatoes and peas ARE good for your areolas!

walk around with a booger on your cheek. You can always blame it on that sweet hug one of your children just gave you and not on the fact that you just sneezed into your elbow. What? You WERE trying to avoid spraying one million snot droplets into the already contaminated air at Walmart.

share a spoon with AND eat after your baby but not your school age children. He suckles at your breast and the memory of his descent from the birth canal is still fresh in your mind, while those older children of yours are entering puberty and they attend public school. Gross!

let your toddler chew on your daily wear flip flops but have a mini heart attack if he/she even thinks about crawling on the floor at the pediatrician's office. The germs on your shoe are from your house (mostly) while the doctor's office floor is germ soup...

dress your kiddos to the nines while you look like something the cat wouldn't even touch with a 10 foot pole let alone drag in.

go 5 days without washing your hair. I did hear the "wet look" might make a comeback, maybe...

resurrect your day old makeup (that you slept in) with a little bit of concealer and fresh makeup. Work it girl!

stick yesterday's clothes in the dryer with a Bounce dryer sheet AFTER you spiff them up with a wet rag first. After all you did look sorta cute and there just might be a dried booger on the sleeve of your shirt.

give your baby an unplugged small electronic to play with while you try to blog... I may or may not have done this. Ok, it was a clock and it was unplugged!

wash 17 loads of laundry in one week but not fold a single sock

Not so fast:

Mom jeans aren't hot- ever! I don't care what InStyle magazine says. They're just goofy and yes they do make you look fat!

If your bra strap is riding up between your shoulder blades it's too small! You either need a new bra or a breast reduction. Hint- bras are cheaper, easier on the eyes and alot less painful!

Never go to bed without brushing your teeth. Trust me. Yes, it has happened to me recently and it was after consuming garlic and cheese. All I have to say is- cat turd breath.

I don't care what you may think- NO ONE'S grass is greener. Please please please take this to heart. I have to tell myself this often. It may seem like your problems are worse than anyone on Earth, but they're not. Everyone has issues, problems, and concerns. They're either mental or much better at hiding crap than you.

Don't rough-house with a freshly bathed or fed baby. He/she will projectile vomit all over you and his/her freshly bathed self. This has happened to me no less than ten times a day the last 7 months and I STILL haven't learned my lesson.

Don't put off knowing what you are going to wear, how long it will take you to get ready and possible traffic jams. You will be late, you always are. Oh wait. That's what I've been meaning to write on my bathroom mirror- sorry :p

And, there you have it. A small sampling of the do's and don'ts of Mommyhood according to Ashley!

Not so fast....

Yeah, so note to self: no more pep talks! I think I jinxed myself something AWFUL after my last post... Yesterday was terrible, and that's a major understatement! I'm having that "I have to be Superwoman" thing going on. I get frustrated and overwhelmed way too easy. And while I did feel like a Rockstar when I wrote my last post, I am now back down on Earth. I have got to learn to RELAX! Any tips? I know there are good days and bad days, and I know it will get better and eventually I will have an empty nest. However, what the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?

Stages

Do you ever feel totally alone, even though you are surrounded by people? My life feels pretty alone. Like no one truly understands me, or like I am waiting to be picked for kickball. I went from being a depressed teenager to being a mom, and I feel as if I have made so many wrong choices all these years. I have been looking for happiness in all the wrong places: Cars, home decor, clothes, makeup, magazines. Lately though, a lightbulb has become increasingly bright in my mind. Some of you may or may not know that I am LDS or Mormon. But, I have been inactive for 5 years. And while I won't start preaching, I have come to realize that the time has come for me to return. To surround myself with goodness. There has been something missing for way too long. I am however, fighting an uphill battle so to speak. My hubby isn't a Mormon, and my kids have been away too long. This week, I have encountered a ton of resistance. And, even though I know my decisions are right, I still feel kinda alone.
Then there's the matter of being out of it. So many women I know that are Mormon are young and just starting their families. For the longest time I felt as if I needed to have a baby just to fit it. I am older than alot of them too, which is super hard. Then there's the issue of how different things are for Moms now. Yes, there are always diapers, feedings, and tantrums. But, now it's playgroup, scrapbooking, digital cameras, blogs, cell phones, etc. It is just so different than even 6 years ago. So, even though I feel like I have made the right decision, I still feel like I don't fit in. Old, overweight, no little babies running around, non-member spouse, kids who can't remember who Nephi is, etc etc. So, tomorrow is surely gonna be a challenge, as are the days and years to come. Wish me luck or better yet, pray for us! And Shannon, Sarah, and Krista- thanks for befriending me through Kelli, it means more than you will ever know.

Thankful...

In honor of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, I thought I would share what I am thankful for:
1. My four beautiful, talented, funny, and amazing children
2. My super cute and patient husband
3. Family
4. Friends
5. A nice cozy home
6. My red hair
7. My sense of humor
8. Coca-Cola
9. Shoes! and Purses!
10. Make-up (I love being a girl!)
11. Good health (me, Jon, and the kiddos)
12. Books and magazines (I looove to read!)
13. Freedom
14. My parents for giving me life and red hair!
15. My laptop and my blog
16. Those of you who read it!
17. Oversized sunglasses
18. My "little" sisters (27 and 30, but I still see them as 10 and 13 sometimes!)
and last but not least I am so thankful that I am me and that I have been given this beautiful life. I am not rich in money, I didn't go to college, I am a teeny bit "chubby", and I get super stressed and a little down sometimes. But I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Thursday Night Lights

Well the mighty Panthers did it again! Chandler's team is really doing great this year and now have 3 wins under their belts. We are so proud of him and his team. The last few seasons of football have not gone so well and they are really making up for lost time. Speaking of football games, what do you suppose they put in that nacho cheese that makes it so darn appealing? Why won't those teenage boys at his school pull up their pants? And I wonder what would happen if I ran up and down the bleachers as many times as Hayden and Chloe did tonight? Would I be able to lose my thunder thighs and pad-onk-a-donk butt? Maybe I should try it, although I would look rather silly. They would more than likely have the campus police officer yank me down and haul me away in handcuffs. Not exactly the example I want to show my children. Although the above referenced campus cop did get onto Hayden and Chloe. For climbing up the fence surrounding the field. AAhhh the joys of motherhood.

20 questions for kids

In all the years I have been a mother, there are a few things about my kids I have never figured out. Things every mother is aware of, that every kid does or doesn't do at some time or another. Myers children you are welcome to provide the reason/answer at any time.

1) What is so fascinating about riding in the front seat?
2) Why must the TV always be on?
3) Is it a childhood requirement that you constantly run in and out?
4) Is flushing the toilet really that hard?
5) The same goes for lights, it's just a switch. It can't be that hard to flip it off.
6) Skid marks in the undies. WHY???
7) Are chicken nuggets really that good? Do you REALLY want them 5 nights out of 7?
8) Why does the bar of soap and the shampoo last so long? You do use them, right??
9) Why do you start screaming and fighting the minute I get on the phone?
10) Is it necessary to get a horrible case of the farts the minute we get into a closed car? (Jon why do you feel the need to lock the windows in said closed car?)
11) Is our bed really that comfortable?
12) Do you think you could manage to pick up your dirty clothes at least once? Try reusing your towel once, it's not so bad.
13) Do your socks, shoes, hair rubber bands, and jewelry fly off of your body and mess up the house? Or do you strategically place them that way?
14) Why do you conveniently forget you have homework until 5 minutes before bed?
15) Or a huge project that requires a trip to the craft or hardware store the night before it's due?
16) Do you really need to argue with your brother or sister at the top of your lungs in front of the neighbors in the front yard?
17) Why do you ask if your friend can spend the night in front of them so I can't throw a fit?
18) Do you think you can manage to get the stomach flu at any time other than in the car, a restaurant, or the middle of the night?
19) Why do you have to touch every thing we pass in the store?
20) Did you really think I was gonna buy every toy advertised during one 30 minute episode of Spongebob?

**bonus question** Why do the above things irritate the crap out of me yet I wouldn't have it any other way? Because I'm a mom and it's my job.