Totally OK and Not So Fast...

Hey, it's totally ok to:

nurse your baby after feeding him/her baby food. Contrary to popular belief, sweet potatoes and peas ARE good for your areolas!

walk around with a booger on your cheek. You can always blame it on that sweet hug one of your children just gave you and not on the fact that you just sneezed into your elbow. What? You WERE trying to avoid spraying one million snot droplets into the already contaminated air at Walmart.

share a spoon with AND eat after your baby but not your school age children. He suckles at your breast and the memory of his descent from the birth canal is still fresh in your mind, while those older children of yours are entering puberty and they attend public school. Gross!

let your toddler chew on your daily wear flip flops but have a mini heart attack if he/she even thinks about crawling on the floor at the pediatrician's office. The germs on your shoe are from your house (mostly) while the doctor's office floor is germ soup...

dress your kiddos to the nines while you look like something the cat wouldn't even touch with a 10 foot pole let alone drag in.

go 5 days without washing your hair. I did hear the "wet look" might make a comeback, maybe...

resurrect your day old makeup (that you slept in) with a little bit of concealer and fresh makeup. Work it girl!

stick yesterday's clothes in the dryer with a Bounce dryer sheet AFTER you spiff them up with a wet rag first. After all you did look sorta cute and there just might be a dried booger on the sleeve of your shirt.

give your baby an unplugged small electronic to play with while you try to blog... I may or may not have done this. Ok, it was a clock and it was unplugged!

wash 17 loads of laundry in one week but not fold a single sock

Not so fast:

Mom jeans aren't hot- ever! I don't care what InStyle magazine says. They're just goofy and yes they do make you look fat!

If your bra strap is riding up between your shoulder blades it's too small! You either need a new bra or a breast reduction. Hint- bras are cheaper, easier on the eyes and alot less painful!

Never go to bed without brushing your teeth. Trust me. Yes, it has happened to me recently and it was after consuming garlic and cheese. All I have to say is- cat turd breath.

I don't care what you may think- NO ONE'S grass is greener. Please please please take this to heart. I have to tell myself this often. It may seem like your problems are worse than anyone on Earth, but they're not. Everyone has issues, problems, and concerns. They're either mental or much better at hiding crap than you.

Don't rough-house with a freshly bathed or fed baby. He/she will projectile vomit all over you and his/her freshly bathed self. This has happened to me no less than ten times a day the last 7 months and I STILL haven't learned my lesson.

Don't put off knowing what you are going to wear, how long it will take you to get ready and possible traffic jams. You will be late, you always are. Oh wait. That's what I've been meaning to write on my bathroom mirror- sorry :p

And, there you have it. A small sampling of the do's and don'ts of Mommyhood according to Ashley!

Buh Bye 2008

Well, I haven't had alot to blog about the last few days. I am sure I am not the only one who can't stop blogging one day and the next day I got nothing. I just wanted to take a few moments to reflect on 2008. We have had many highs and lows: two sweet new babies born into the family, I knocked 25 pounds off my bod, gained a mini-van, Chandler had another surgery, and I got a hot new haircut... just to name a few. I reconnected with a ton of old friends (thank you MySpace and Facebook) and let's not forget we went from being pet-less to acquiring 2 dogs, a cat, and 3 fish.
I am thankful for all the new people I have met through blogging, and of course through the boundary change at church. I am super curious, excited, and a little nervous to see what 2009 holds for me and my family. Here's to a Safe and Happy New Year!! Be careful, plan those resolutions smartly, and be healthy and prosperous. Thanks for reading, commenting, sharing, and most importantly : friendship.
**** Happy Freakin' New Year! ****

Hey Santa-

So, I've been good this year... sorta. And, I thought I'd do a blog post of ideas just in case you are still making your list and checking it twice. So, here goes.

I would like in no particular order:

someone to come over and dust at least twice a week. I don't like dusting and I am not good at it.

it would be great if the duster person was a good cook and didn't mind throwing together a few meals once in a while. 'Cause I am not good in the kitchen either, unless you count Lean Cuisine and Kraft Mac~n~Cheese.

a personal trainer. This requires no explanation, you have seen my butt and thighs.

for my boys to learn how to pee in the potty without getting it on the floor, walls, or seat. We have gone over this a million times and nada. Arrgghh!

for Hayden to eat something different once in awhile. He has been eating the same 10 foods for years and frankly I am getting bored preparing them.

for Coco and Daisy to please stop barking before 6 a.m. yes, we know they are hungry but really. I never bark at them when they are sleeping, but I might start.

for Pedro to stop drinking from the faucet while I am washing dishes and standing in front of the toilet after we flush. I PROMISE I will get him the largest bowl ever and constantly keep it filled.

for my hair to grow long and my body to shrink in all the right places...

if someone would HELP ME figure out what to do with all of our socks. We are starting on another ginormous basketful. (duster person are you listening?)

So, Santa- I leave you cookies and stuff and you see to it that I get at least one thing on my list, right? We have a deal or what?

Ashley's not very busy, calm before the storm day...

Today was my last moment of peace before the real craziness begins. I have spent the last week and a half looking for clothes for Christmas cards and endless decorating. So far today I have:

napped! you would too if you were up til 3, up again at 6:45 to get your kids ready for school, and then were left with a quiet house and a warm bed calling your name. I will not tell how long I napped...

then, while indulging in a Lean Cuisine and a cold Coke Zero, I spent 2 hours doing Christmas cards. All I need to do now is slip a family picture into each one and Voila!

made cookies. I only ate one teeny little one. They're not too fancy, just a little festive. Chocolate Chip with red and green swirly icing. Seriously, it was all I could muster. I am saving my creativity for my first ever gingerbread house! I am excited!

I made a Christmas list for me! In case Jon decides to indulge me this year. He always gets me gifts, let's just say I know why the term "it's the thought that counts" was invented.

chores: laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, bed making, and air freshener spraying. All to give off the effect that I slaved all day. When in reality I "spruced" and "fluffed"!

Now, it's 3:00 and Hayden is here enjoying my cookies. Tonight Chloe and Hunter have hair appointments at the fancy salon, they are too high maintenance for Cool Cuts... Basically after this I have about 10 days to get pictures made, shop, volunteer at school parties, bake, eat, sleep, breath and be Super-Mom. Every year I spend so much time decorating and stressing over Christmas clothes and school parties that I end up shopping when it's crazy-nutty out there. Not sure why I punish myself this way? I still haven't learned my lesson I guess? I was talking to a lady the other day (yes, a perfect stranger.) She was mentioning that she had 3 kids and never seemed to have a moment's peace. And, I agree. Back when the kids were younger I felt like I would never catch up until they were older and that I was doomed to be forever stressed. Little did I know that the stress and craziness don't get better. You get more busy and more overwhelmed. Being a mom to older kids is infinitely harder, in my opinion. Ask any mom of older kiddos, it's just a different kind of busy. Back when they were younger there were days at a time when I wouldn't leave the house. Forget cute clothes and makeup. My days consisted of laundry, meal prep, baths, endless breast feeding, snot wiping, toy pick-up, fight referee, nurse, etc. Fast forward several years into the future and a day like today is something I thoroughly enjoy. It makes all the teenage drama, taxi driving, school projects, 2 kids smack dab in the middle of puberty (add in all of the above except breastfeeding) etc. etc. almost bearable. Ok, so I am done jabbering. I need to change out of my pj's and brush my teeth... and get busy on Christmas plans- again.


today's after school snack that will be long gone before dessert

'Tis the Season

Well, I am off to a roaring start. I have been to the mall 2 times, Hobby Lobby 3 times, Wal-Mart 4 times, and Target 7 times and I have bought 1 gift. Umm yeah, I need to work on that... I have been mainly looking at decorations, ornaments, cards, lights, etc. Normally I would have decorated my house and then some by now, but I can't get Scrooge (Jon) to get his butt in gear, he keeps my Christmas stuff in the scary place- the attic. And, I don't do the attic. Ever. So, I have just been accumulating more decor than I need. I am hoping he'll get the hint. Hmmm, we'll see. So, while I am on the subject of Christmas, I thought I would ramble on about a few things I have noticed/encountered the past few days.

First, other than a beautiful snow globe depicting The Nativity, I have never actually owned one. So, I am on a mission to find the most beautiful set I can afford, hopefully no more than $100. I have been checking out all the stores I have been in and nada. Hobby Lobby had some nice ones and they were on sale, but the prettiest ones were gone. I went in Michael's tonight and searched and searched, but again- nothing. So, I asked the girl at the front counter if they had any, and she didn't know what I was talking about!! I am not even kidding. And I said to her, in one giant run on sentence: "Are you for real, seriously, you have got to be kidding me, you don't know what a nativity set is???" I am stunned.

Second- I am a little nervous to go out shopping this year. I have heard countless stories of people being mugged or robbed, some at gunpoint. I know it happens, but this year seems worse than ever! I have never been afraid to go out at night, I do it all the time. But, I am changing that this year. Today I went shopping and left my purse at home. Felt very weird, but I am gonna keep doing it or drag Jon shopping with me. Which, is pretty painful. He just shuffles along, looking bored, hands in his pockets. I can practically see the dollar signs flying out of his ears. I really think he would rather get his chest hairs hot waxed than shop. Men, is it really that bad? I just love it. My heart really does skip a beat when I pull into Target.

Third- Yes, I know all the Santa stories and legends, etc. But, when exactly did Christmas turn into what it is today? Not much more I can say about this, but I think you know what I mean. Even though I am a Christian (yes, it's true) I had never before focused on the true meaning of Christmas, especially since I had been inactive for so long. I mean I did, but not as much as I should have. But, I have learned alot this past year and I am more thankful now than ever for the gift of our Savior. So, Christmas will have a much deeper meaning for me and my family than ever before. We will still do all the same stuff we normally do: Santa, cookies, presents, etc. But, we will be focusing alot more on Christ. And, on a sorta side note: does anyone know if Santa Claus was one of the three wise men? I didn't think so. Because, I kid you not, I saw a decoration that is Mr. Claus looking down at baby Jesus in his manger. Seriously.

And last but not least: I am missing 1 antler from my car reindeer costume. Remember from last year? Enjoy last year's giant reindeer post here. And yes, I am gonna use it again this year. Instantly embarrasses children, one of my favorite past times.

Blog Post #499!

Holy cow, I just noticed that I am 1 away from 500, DANG! WOW! SERIOUSLY! That's alot of talking and writing.

Tonight, I am gonna do one of my all-in-one posts, just because I feel this overwhelming urge to blog. Not really. Just sounded good. So, here's what's up:

I haven't started decorating for Christmas yet. If you know me, this is a shocker! I just haven't had the chance, I am just getting things running smooth since our trip and today was so windy, that the outside decorations were a no go. I will decorate by Monday morning. I have put myself on a deadline! I have 6 Christmas trees that are itching to be decorated. Yep, 6 of them.

Coco got "fixed" today. I never thought I would ever see that dog this calm. She is not doing so hot. She still won't eat or drink and she is very lethargic, even though her surgery was over 12 hours ago. Daisy is beside herself without her buddy. I finally had to put their kennels nose to nose so they could look at each other. Daisy seems so worried about Coco which is sweet. The funniest thing is Coco's buster collar, which keeps getting hooked on things like door frames and laundry baskets. The next 2 weeks are gonna be interesting.

My beautiful new boots came in the mail today. Cheers! But, they don't freaking fit!! I am bummed beyond belief. And, I am not even sure how big the extended calf of the boot was. Because the only thing stopping me from trying them on is called a BUNION! Oh man, I was ticked. That is putting it mildly. I was already creating lovely outfits in my brain, but it just wasn't meant to be. I'll just stare at chicks in knee boots and daydream. Hopefully no one gets the wrong message.

I am super excited about this weekend. My sweet little nephew Jonah is getting blessed on Sunday. So, I will be heading to Austin to see him and his Mommy and Daddy on their special day. I can't wait to see how much he's grown. I kinda feel bad about church though. I haven't been to my new ward in over 2 weeks and Sunday will make it 3. Hopefully no one forgot my name! I am really enjoying the friendships I have made and the people I have met so far. If anyone from FW 3rd is reading: I'll be back! Promise!

I am halfway through Eclipse, and I am enjoying the books more than I thought I would. I really love to read and there aren't too many books I won't read. I had heard these books were cheesy and teenagery, but so am I! Sure, there are some far-fetched parts and there have been some dull moments, but so far they are good. I am gonna go see Twilight tomorrow evening, and I am looking forward to it. And, I have promised my boys that I will start the Harry Potter books next. I have read the first book, back in 2001. Which seems forever ago, so I will be starting all over again soon.

I have moved from the fat ladies department (as my mom likes to call it) to the not fat ladies department at Dillards. I was actually able to fit into a size 14 dress tonight. Granted, I couldn't breathe or feel my breasts, but still. I have been shopping at Lane Bryant for years, so it's nice to have other options, even an XL. I was feeling pretty ick about dieting and stuff, but tonight recharged my weight loss batteries. I have a new goal of size 8 by next Summer, help me!

And, last but not least. I have been approached by a website about posting an article about popular toys for the holidays. So, if you see an article pop up in the next few days, don't be alarmed. It's just a guest blogger. And, I am getting paid. Pretty cool huh?

So, there you have it. Today's pot of blogger soup. Come back and see me real soon, ya hear?

All About Me

No, I didn't get tagged, I just can't think of a single thing to blog about. So, I am gonna give you some embarrassing facts about me. Have a good laugh at my expense!

I sleep in my makeup. No, I don't do it to look pretty while I sleep, I'm just lazy.

I didn't get my driver's license until I was 21. I had been driving since I was 15, even getting a ticket for driving without a license. I was just too busy working and taking care of Chandler to bother with it. My mom drove me everywhere.

I was a bed wetter, until 7th grade. Nothing more to say about that, except my brother's liked to call me Frito Factory. Very humiliating...

Sometimes I forget to brush my teeth before bed. I'll fall asleep watching TV and crawl to bed. Gross, I know. But, I went until I was 31 before I ever got a cavity and haven't had one since.

I own more bras than one woman should be allowed. Try more than 15, not counting sports bras.

I try to be a dog person, but they drive me bananas. I see people with their cute puppies in their house or car and think I could do it too, but I can't.

I have only farted in front of Jon twice in 14 years, once when I was in labor with Hunter so it doesn't really count.

I am the nosiest person on earth. I am serious. I look in windows, cars, and I ask lots of questions. I try and act friendly, but really I am being nosey.

My family has never had folded socks in their drawers. Ever. They get them from a basket. Actually two of them.

I am so proud of my red hair. I'm kinda vain about it, which isn't good. But, whenever I found out that only 1 to 2% of the world's population had red hair, I felt pretty darn lucky.

I'm not much of a candy person, which judging by my curvy figure might be a shock. But, I only crave sweets occasionally. This body came from cheese and Coke. Lots of it.

I'm a yeller. And an occasional cusser. Ok, more than occasional. Trying to work on that...

So, I hope you are enlightened now that you know all these random Ashley facts. Wish me luck on finding something to blog about.

Weekend Update

My boys have done amazing at BMX this year. They will soon celebrate 1 year of racing. The best part is: Hayden is #2 in Texas in his age group and Hunter is #10! They had their last big state race yesterday. Hayden slept with his plaque. I am so very proud of my boys!

I went to my first softball practice yesterday. Our team needs lots of practice. I think we all forgot that we are OLD! At least I have a cute pink softball and pink glove. I am really sore, from batting. But, I hit 10 out of 12 balls, yay!

I saw a man come thisclose to getting hit by a train yesterday. It was so freaking scary. Idiot. Plus, it was an Amtrak. And they are fast.

Speaking of hitting things. I almost hit a 7 foot tall tumbleweed Saturday. That was pretty freaking scary too. Not sure where it came from? I had to swerve to avoid it and ended up in a ditch. It's times like that when I miss my Suburban.

Hayden asked me the other day if Jesus farts. I told him I would get back to him on that one....

I have a new favorite food. Luckily this one seems pretty healthy. I had a chargrilled chicken and fruit salad at Chick-Fil-A for lunch a few days ago. With berry balsamic dressing. It was really good, seriously. Go get one, now!

I am SO excited for 2 things: Kelli's baby shower dinner on Saturday AND my little sister Amy is having her baby in 2 weeks. I feel like a kid at Christmas!

And, that's all for now folks. I sure hope I have something awesome to blog about soon....

Four-Tag

Four random things I love about my husband :
1. the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles
2. how good he is with kids, especially babies
3. that he is a super nice person
4. that he's a good provider for his family

Four jobs I’ve had:
1. Food Services at Wet ~n~ Wild (3 whole weeks)
2. Pharmacy Technician
3. Selling porcelain dolls at a kiosk in the mall, boring personified
4. Teen modeling at Dillard's... gag I know

Four movies I have watched more than once:
1. Pretty in Pink
2. The Color Purple
3. The Shawshank Redemption
4. Pulp Fiction

Four TV shows I watch:
1. Project Runway
2. Bridezillas
3. House Hunters
4. Biggest Loser (3 more weeks)
(and many more....DVR rocks!)

Four random places I have been:
1. an operating room
2. a cemetery bathroom
3. the stock room at Target (got to pick through bikes that weren't on the floor yet!)
4. The Mrs. Bairds factory

Four of my favorite foods:
1. yellow cake with chocolate frosting
2. tortilla chips with guacamole and queso for dipping
3. steak with a side of grilled shrimp
4. Coca Cola (it is a food, just ask Kelli)

Four places I would like to visit:
1. Hawaii
2. Germany (Jon is half German)
3. any/all church history sites
4. the plastic surgeon for a post-op checkup to see if my tummy tuck and breast lift look ok. Then I'll wake up.

Four things I am looking forward to in the coming year:
1. Kelli and Amy having their babies
2. Grand Nationals in November
3. going on a trip for my 13th wedding anniversary
4. learning how to sew and design blog headers

Four people I tag:
1. Vanessa
2. Cheree
3. Johnny Depp
4. The Man Bloggers

Just so I could do a new post...

My card reader is broke, so no pics!

My house is being overrun with ants! Eeek!

It's hot, hot, hot!

The power went out when I was at Target today. Too many people cranking their AC's. If my power goes out, I am coming to YOUR house. Have snacks.

Chandler is gonna play varsity football this year! YAY!

I am seriously thinking of getting a kitten. My biological clock is ticking... which explains 2 dogs and 3 fish in 6 months. Now I need a kitten.

I really need to start school shopping, but I don't wanna.

We are fixing to teach Chan to drive. You have been warned. We are looking for a Jeep Wrangler. Because I want to drive it too.

I got thrown under the bus....

How come I can't find the new issue of People magazine anywhere? I need to see those Jolie-Pitt babies, asap.

August should not be allowed to be this busy and this hot.

Jon and I actually got to go on a date. Yeehaw! We had PF Changs, I looked like a babe, and we had a nice time. Thanks Kelli! We need to go on dates more often. (p.s. if you go to PFC- don't order the tuna, it was yuck!)

I have been craving ice cream like nobody's business. MUST. STOP. NOW.

I need a new header. The lemonade pink and yellow ain't doing it for me anymore.

I can't wait til Kelli and Amy have their babies. I am getting anxious!

Happy Birthday Jesse! Speaking of birthdays, I have been scolded by Chloe for not doing her birthday blog post. Be on the lookout, she has me on a deadline. I am sorry Chloe, I love you!

Well, that's all folks. Check back soon, hopefully I will have SOMETHING to blog about?!

Ashley's Back to School To Do List

With school and new babies just around the corner, I have a ginormous to do list. Can you say, busy?

Pick up Chan's football equipment (2 a days start Monday)

Register 4 kids at 4 different schools on 4 different days...

Yearly checkups for 4 kids on 2 different days

Take Chan and Hunter for new glasses and contacts

Meet with counselors at Chan and Hunter's schools (Chan is gonna retake Spanish and Hunter doesn't want to do Athletics)

Plan Amy's baby shower

Help plan Kelli's baby shower dinner

Shop for school supplies and school uniforms for 4 kids

Return my mom's luggage

Take my friend Val her computer

Go get baby shower invites, address and mail

Send thank you notes to the family in Utah

Child Support court, again...

Possibly meet Chandler's grandma, Christelle

Take Coco to the vet to get fixed

Dermatologist for my skin problem

All of this in addition to normal cooking, cleaning, errands, bills, laundry, etc. I really need an assistant. Or a sister wife. Just kidding. Seriously though, I am sure more things will come up. Whatever will I do? Breath Ash, you can do it...