feeling blue

Rarely do I open up to people about my feelings. Especially if they are less than happy thoughts. But this past week has been rough. And when it wasn't rough it was busy. So I am about to spill my guts. Ever since school started I have been pretty lonely. I have entered a new stage in life. But instead of embracing it, I am having a hard time starting anew. I have been a mom since I was 18 and have had at least 1 kid underfoot for the past 15 years. So this feels weird. Most women would be happy and excited about having 7 whole hours to themselves each day. Not me. My kids are my identity, my reason for being. And they are now at a point in their lives where they don't need me as much. And, that's hard. I especially have a hard time seeing young couples just starting their families. Which is silly. I am now and will always be a mom. I don't know why this bugs me or even affects me. I guess having struggled with different degrees of depression most of my life doesn't help matters either. I know my kids love me and need me, even if they rarely act like it. I mean I actually embarrass them now, which is new for me. I seriously thought I was cool. Boy was I wrong. I will be ok. I am very much looking forward to my Halloween party tomorrow and getting back to the gym on Monday. I go through stages like this every now and then and have confidence I will snap out of this soon. Thanks for letting me share my innermost thoughts and for those of you who read this blog, THANKS. This has been like my baby and a fun distraction. Have a happy weekend.