Can't even think of a good title....

I don't even know where to start. I am sure that those of you who read this regularly know about me and my family, the drama, the stress, and the many different and mixed emotions that I experience. You've read about my highs and lows and even heard me bitch a little. Shocking I know. I honestly think this week has been as rough as July of 97. Those of you who don't about 97, ask in comments and I shall reply. Let me start by mentioning two things and then I'll get on with this post. I have been feeling bad the last year about money, and how much my appendectomy cost. And, I am always hard on myself for not being more of a Supermom. So, it comes as no surprise that I am an emotional wreck the last 2 days. First, because we were going to do something totally uncharacteristic for us and go on a trip for Thanksgiving. Then Chandler hurt his foot. Thinking it was a sprain, we talked with my parents and decided it would be ok for him to recuperate there. I was already feeling weird about going, let alone leaving a child behind on a major holiday. I feel like a terrible mom for even considering going without my kid. Secondly after last night's news (surgery), the money issue has resurfaced. So, I am super stressed. I am worried about how we are gonna afford another surgery. I am afraid something might happen because we are leaving town. Afraid to leave Chan, almost afraid to go. Concerned he could take a turn for the worse. The traveling is freaking me out. Thanksgiving is a notoriously bad time to travel. I do not know what to do. I have arranged for him to spend a few days at my parents and then have my sister Kelli and her family watch him and my house the remainder of the week. But then my mom asks me if something bad happens, what do I want for Chandler? His care, his future? So not the thing to say! I love you mom, but now I am probably the most nervous I have ever been. No one wants to face a question like that. Let alone if something did happen. Then to top it all off, I am worried about stuff. Like possessions, clothes, Christmas, etc. I am a shopper. A serious shopper. I spend way too much. Chloe gets a major new wardrobe when the styles or seasons change. I spend a ton of money on make-up and clothes for me. Then add in the boys, the new BMX gear, eating out, craft supplies, home decorating, the list goes on and on. I have known for quite some time that my spending is out of hand. I guess I did need a wake-up call. I am just sorry Chandler has had to get hurt for me to realize it. Now would be a good time to stress even more the true meaning of Christmas. Poor Hayden, I am not sure he'll 100% understand. I need some serious advice. I am going over every worse case scenario. I swear my stomach has become one giant ulcer since last night. Help me! Do I stay or go? Do I take Chan with us? Do I have him spend the whole week at mom's? And, do I play the lottery or bingo? Or do I just go on to Vegas after Oklahoma? Are any of ya'll lucky? Maybe you can pick me some lotto numbers. Seriously though, any words of advice? Intuition? Gut feelings? I take all suggestions seriously. I have until 3:30 tomorrow afternoon.