I don't care who you are, even if you're a stranger, help me!! I need all the advice I can get! Leave me a comment, you can do it anonymously. I need feedback.
Ok, so I have recently started a job as a nanny, daycare provider, babysitter, whatever you want to call it, and I think I may have made a mistake. Yes, I know in previous posts I have expressed how it's been fun, etc. However, I have done alot of soul searching today and as much as I want to help out my neighbor, I need me time as well. I had finally decided that 2008 was gonna be the year that I became true to myself and accomplished some goals that had been set years ago. All of my kids are in school now, and my life was essentially mine to to with whatever I wanted, a blank canvas so to speak. (Ok, between 8 and 2:30, but that's not the point). I have always been a people pleaser, and at times have found myself miserable because of it. I don't like people to be mad at me and I like to be helpful. I have a really hard time ever saying no. Which is the reason I said yes in the first place. I have been a mom since I was 18 years old. I essentially went from being a kid, to being a mom, to being a wife. More children quickly followed. As much as I have adored being with Emma, it has been really hard on me. I am getting up at 6:00, throwing on sweats or something similar, rushing around to get my kids out the door, and then bang here comes the baby. She takes 40 minutes to finish a bottle, and she eats every two hours. So, all day is feeding, diaper changes, and rocking her. She is really sweet and I adore babies, but I am drained. It would be different if she were mine. I could take her everywhere I wanted. I could let her cry if I needed to, without feeling bad about it. I could curl up in bed and let her nap with me, etc. When she finally goes home after 9 hours, I am too exhausted to cook, clean, or spend quality time with my own family. Yes, I know it's only been 3 days, but it's kinda wearing me down already. The only difference I see is that she is not mine, but it really is like having my own new baby. The not having time to eat, read a book, watch TV, go online, go shopping, even leaving the house, etc. It is taking up that much time. I really feel as if I need to be putting me and mine first, but instead I am too busy worrying about hurting someone's feelings or putting them out. So, you see I am very confused! What should I do? I was feeling so determined to make this year be the beginning of me living my best life ever, forever. Instead I feel like I am back at square one again. H-E-L-P!!
11 comments:
I think you need "me" time. You have been a Mom for a long time devoting yourself endlessly. Kindly let them know you have some other opportunities coming up and that you can finish out until they find a good replacement.
I was thinking of doing that, but I am afraid of how much longer they'll need me for. I would love to be able to finish this week and be done. I was even considering telling them not to pay me.
Well, my first reaction when I read your plea, is that you should act and do the things you want to do, as if she is your kid. Unless the mom has said "don't take her out" then do the shopping you want, or make her sit in a bouncy seat in the bathroom while you bathe, don't feel bad if you have to let her cry for 5 mins while you go pee! It will be SOOO hard for you to sit for her if you are unable to do the things for yourself that you are used to, ya know? Maybe try that?? Just do the things you want and work the baby into your routine as if it were yours, and if that doesn't work then I am sure the mom will be understanding b/c she will want Emma to be where it is best for caregiver and baby both. Good luck with everything!
It is SO hard to watch someone else's child...especially when you have so many other things going in your life.
I very much agree with Shannon's point of view. Even though the baby is quite new, if it saves your sanity to be able to take her out and about in her seat...go for it. You can take a baby just about anywhere in those car seat carriers. Do what you can, when you can. She is better off with you than at Kiddie Daycare strapped to a bouncey seat all day.
I think there is a "getting used to" period, too...you may not be over the hump yet...
BUT...if you totally can't stand it, let the mom know. Emma's mommy is going to want you to be happy no matter what. There are LOTS of options out there for good daycares, despite the bouncey seat comment :P.
OR OR OR....is there someone else who could take Emma like 1/2 the week? So you could trade off?? Then you at least get some WHOLE days to yourself.
this happened to a friend of mine recently, and she quickly resented the kid, the mom, and quite frankly the whole situation. she never said anything, and it caused a ton of problems. it's not worth it.
maybe offer to help her find someone else, but most importantly, be honest with the mom. i would want you to tell me if it were me...
At the very least, you need to be able to run errands with her, so Shannon's point of view is right. On the other hand, if you already KNOW it's not working, best to get it out in the open asap. Hopefully her mother is mature enough and kind enough to understand. She doesn't read this blog, does she?
I think I am already starting to feel resentful, but not towards a specific person. I am more mad at myself than anything. I kinda want to take her places with me, but they acted weird when I mentioned it. Plus, the whole idea of being responsible for someone other than me when it's supposed to be me time, sucks. I also brought up sharing the duties with my friend Erin, and they got real quiet. Plus, another weird thing is that their 4 year old goes to another lady for his childcare??? I am just going to come out in the open and be honest with them. I need to concentrate on being the best mom/wife/sister/daughter/friend/person I can be, and right now being a nanny is taking away from the time I want to spend on me, when it doesn't eat up the time when my kids need me. Thanks for ya'lls input.
I don't want people to think I am awful. I absolutely love kids and might even have another someday, who knows. It's not about her, this is about me. I was determined to achieve some goals this year, and now I feel like such a loser.
Well, it sounds like the parents are weird anyway! Do they just expect you to sit at home all day and hold her for 12 hours??? You can't do that! And if that is what they want the tell them NO THANK YOU! I am sorry, but that is just retarded, even if you loved her and didn't have all these plans fo rthe year, you can't stay at home all day with a new born, YOU WILL GO CRAZY! For sure you need to do what is best FOR YOU, just tell them that it isn't working, and if they ask why be honest, and make sure you mention things like not being stuck in the house ALL DAY, and stuff like that! Maybe it will open their eyes...
I think that you should do what is right for you and your family. If she is your friend she will understand and get over it eventually.
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